This is grief (and this is and this is…)

Grief isn’t what I expected it to be. People don’t often talk about it, even though everyone will go through losing a loved one at some point in their life. I’ve never lost anybody close to me before and even if I had, I’m not sure it would have prepared me for Etta dying anyway.Continue reading “This is grief (and this is and this is…)”

An Open Letter to my Niece

Last week my beautiful niece was born. She is our eighth niece (!) but is the first on my side of the family, my brother’s first baby and of course the first baby in our family born after Etta. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for my brother and sister-in-law to have their firstContinue reading “An Open Letter to my Niece”

Being Etta’s Grandpa

I asked my own dad if he would like to write something on this blog for Father’s Day. He wasn’t too sure but reading his words I’m so glad I asked. It reminds me that the death of a baby or child isn’t just felt by the parents and that my own father is noContinue reading “Being Etta’s Grandpa”

I had a miscarriage.

It was hard to think of a title for this blog post so I thought I’d just come out and say it. I never ‘announced’ I was pregnant with Ezzie or Etta on social media until they were born so it feels strange to be announcing this pregnancy and the end of it in oneContinue reading “I had a miscarriage.”

Etta’s Cardiac Arrest

*** Trigger Warning *** This post details the day of Etta’s cardiac arrest and photographs from that day so don’t read on if that will be a bit much for you ❤️ Yesterday was a really heavy day. I spent most of the day crying or on the verge of crying or with a headacheContinue reading “Etta’s Cardiac Arrest”

From the Mouths of Babes

It’s hard to find any joy when your baby or child is sick or dies. I remember it feeling so strange to laugh at the Gavin and Stacey Christmas special only a couple of days after she died. It felt like a betrayal to be smiling at anything. But in the hours, days, weeks andContinue reading “From the Mouths of Babes”

Easter After Losing a Child: Suffering and Hope

I think it’s fair to say I’ve struggled with my faith after losing Etta and if I’m truly honest before that too. I was only reading the bible at a church service or when teaching a lesson/assembly at school and my prayers were somewhat formulaic (thank you, sorry, please). I could probably do a wholeContinue reading “Easter After Losing a Child: Suffering and Hope”