This is grief (and this is and this is…)

Grief isn’t what I expected it to be. People don’t often talk about it, even though everyone will go through losing a loved one at some point in their life. I’ve never lost anybody close to me before and even if I had, I’m not sure it would have prepared me for Etta dying anyway.Continue reading “This is grief (and this is and this is…)”

🍈🍈 World Breastfeeding Week 🍼

I took breastfeeding for granted with Ezzie. Despite the few days of discomfort at the start and occasionally feeling resentful that it was all on me for night feeds, it was an experience I look back on fondly. I weaned him off when I became pregnant with Etta just because I thought sharing my bodyContinue reading “🍈🍈 World Breastfeeding Week 🍼”

Being Etta’s Grandpa

I asked my own dad if he would like to write something on this blog for Father’s Day. He wasn’t too sure but reading his words I’m so glad I asked. It reminds me that the death of a baby or child isn’t just felt by the parents and that my own father is noContinue reading “Being Etta’s Grandpa”

Half a year and half a world away

This week marks six months since Etta was born. Time has been so warped by coronavirus that it feels like a lifetime ago. If she was still alive, it is a milestone that I definitely would have celebrated so feels only right that I still mark it even though she’s not here. So, what doContinue reading “Half a year and half a world away”

Etta’s Cardiac Arrest

*** Trigger Warning *** This post details the day of Etta’s cardiac arrest and photographs from that day so don’t read on if that will be a bit much for you ❤️ Yesterday was a really heavy day. I spent most of the day crying or on the verge of crying or with a headacheContinue reading “Etta’s Cardiac Arrest”

Too Much Information

I said in a previous post that after you end up in intensive care you become very knowledgable about lots of different medical jargon. I remember speaking to my uncle (a paediatrician at GOSH) after our first scan with Etta before we really knew what it was. He talked us through some possibilities and saidContinue reading “Too Much Information”

From the Mouths of Babes

It’s hard to find any joy when your baby or child is sick or dies. I remember it feeling so strange to laugh at the Gavin and Stacey Christmas special only a couple of days after she died. It felt like a betrayal to be smiling at anything. But in the hours, days, weeks andContinue reading “From the Mouths of Babes”